Mother, Christian, American

baby's birthday

2008-10-10T07:36:00.002-04:00

My baby girl is a year old today.

I have never been so happy yet so sad before.

She is my 3rd and my last baby and every 'first' she has is the 'last' time I'll celebrate it - at least with my own kids.

She is a dynamic little girl to say the least!

She is a screamer, a climber, a trouble maker, a fit thrower, a tantrum GURU, a smiler, a laugher, a genius, a tomboy, a rough -n- tumbler, a beauty, a dreamer - She is a great sleeper, a good eater, a tough little baby sister, independent, strong willed, hard headed, DID I SAY INDEPENDENT? She is NOT a cuddler (no matter how hard we try!) Claire Faith is everything my other 2 children are not, but at the same time she is everything that they are as well. Between the 3 of them I have experienced such joy and completion in my life. I have been overwhelmed by emotion because of them ranging from absolute bliss to absolute distress :O)

I've never understood what exactly love is. Truth be told - I am not convinced I never really was IN love with my husband (that felt good to admit) because I wasn't willing to take the good with the bad all the time everyday for as long as we both shall live. I loved him, yes, and I always will have love for him because he is the father of my kids. I am IN love with my children. They come first before everything but God, their happiness is my top priority, their needs are met before my own, I feel the most happy when I see them smile, hear their laughter, and feel their hugs. There's nothing in this world like being a mommy and I feel blessed that God gave me 3 of the most beautifully perfect gifts. What an honor!

♥HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAIRE BEAR♥

love, mommy

"When 2 people love eachother ..."

2008-09-15T00:44:00.002-04:00

Can I just start out by saying that I have had my 'AHA MOMENT' for the month, please?

How many generations have wanted to improve on the child rearing techniques that molded them into who they've become? I am dead set on cracking the code to raising good citizens. Not that my parents did anything 'wrong' per se' - it's more about how times have changed between 'way back when' and my childhood, and then from my childhood to now.

The biggest subject road block? Sex. Well, for boys the conversation should be about sex (sidebar: I will be the first one to tell my son that girls have periods so he's going to want to stay away from them ...lol but for real - boys need to be taught that NO MEANS NO early on)

For girls I don't think the problems are with the sex conversation. I think it's all in presentation.
If parents tell their daughters that they need to wait to have sex until they are in love (preferably married, but we live in the real world here) then as soon as a boy says, "but I love you" how is she going to handle this? When little girls ask where babies come from and parents respond, "when a mommy and a daddy love eachother ..." then she's going to think that you can only get pregnant when you're married.

It's just a thought I've been mulling over in my head for a couple weeks. We are a new generation of moms. I think we can try a little harder to be involved in our children's cultures and subcultures so that we know what we're up against. As unpleasant as it might seem, i think it's a necessity.

What's up with self destruction?

2008-08-04T10:56:00.002-04:00

I am just wondering why we feel the need to self destruct or cause ourselves to stumble. I'm speaking as though I'm not the only person who does this. I know it's not just a girl thing like a lot of my other 'issues' and I know that it is almost unconscience.

As SOON as I'm aware of the fact that I have to heavy drama hanging over my head I start to doubt myself. I don't know where it came from. I don't know why it felt so strong. It is very unnerving (sp?) and a little upsetting though. To catch up on what's gone down: My year long up and down rollercoaster ride finally decided to level off. I get my head (and my heart) wrapped around the fact that I am ending a chapter in my life and what happens? BOOM! I feel like I'm making a big mistake. I get this very uneasy feeling of, "What have I done to my kids!?" I really start reflecting on things. I see every mistake that I made in that relationship and how it is directly related to every mistake HE made. Then the drama queen side of me came into play. Then, my dear friend that has been on my side since we were like 7 steps up and tells me the ONE thing nobody else would say. Basically put, she says I'm probably doing it to myself and I'm just not used to being drama free or standing still. I wanted to respond right away and say, "NO! It's much stronger than that. This is something serious!" But instead, my computer shut down on me. (That's an example of God working his mysterious ways) I pray somemore, I chill some more. I clear my head of everything negative.

So this is where I am 48 hours later: A) I just wanna thank her for being a real friend and telling me exactly what was up. B) I realize now that even IF my mistakes are directly related to HIS mistakes, it doesn't mean that all should be forgotten. Forgiven, yes. The bigger issue here is that since I'm human I am going to continue to make mistakes, and if his response to my making mistakes is to make more mistakes then we're just not compatible. C) Yes, I see my parents and how their marriage works and I may not agree with some of what goes on, I see how they compliment eachother. I don't like how passive my mom is sometimes, but that's just who she is and it doesnt phase her like it phases me. She compliments my dad's stubbornness just like when she gets into a confrontational mood my dad compliments that by taking on an understanding manner and just walking away. If that were my marriage I wouldn't let him get away with trying to be a dictator, and if I were in a confrontational mood he would have been combative right back. Therefore, we would be right back where we started and who needs that!

Here is my next delimma - If girls are supposed to be attracted to men who are just like their fathers, and I am just like my father, how am I supposed to make that relationship work? My dad and I bump heads all the time over things because we're both very stubborn and a little self absorbed at times. Not to mention we both think we're right about a lot of stuff and we DON'T like to be challenged. Is that theory true ALL THE TIME?

Ok Gina ~ answer away! lol

I would just like to leave on this note - NOBODY NEEDS PEOPLE TO TELL THEM THEY ARE RIGHT ALL THE TIME. I TRY TO BE AN 'ON CALL' SORT OF FRIEND. AN 'EMERGENCY CONTACT PERSON" IF YOU WILL. I WILL ALWAYS BE READY TO LEND A SHOULDER OR AN EAR, BUT ALLOW MY FRIENDS TO TALK THEMSELVES THROUGH THEIR OWN PROBLEMS. I WILL, HOWEVER, ASSUME THE RESPONSIBILITY OF GRABBING THE BACK OF THEIR PANTS WHEN I SEE THEM ABOUT TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF. I AM VERY GREATFUL FOR MY ON-CALL FRIENDS AND FEEL BLESSED TO KNOW THEY HAVE MY BACK WHEN I NEED TO BE SAVED FROM MYSELF. LOVE YOU!!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

2008-07-23T00:15:00.002-04:00

Well, for the first time in about ... oh ... 10 years or so - I have a lack of DRAMA in my life. It's like that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie keeps waking up suddenly and soon realizes that it's because everything is in place and it's just smooth sailing. I watched that episode and thought, "Well, if that were me then I would probably been sleeping like a friggin baby!" But come to find out -- not so much.

I am caught up on my bills
Ben is paying child support on time
My kids are awesome
My energy level is higher

The only thing that has gone on is the air conditioner in my van went out and it will cost $2500 to fix it, but I jokingly suggested to Ben that we should switch vehicles and he totally went for it so I'll soon have a much more reliable and literally 'cooler' car with a whole lot less miles, too.

I have been on such an emotional rollercoaster. I never actually realized how angry or hurt I was until the 2 comments that "anonymous" left about me sounding like I've been hurt and I seem like I'm an unhappy person. Alrighty then! That's what I needed to hear I guess. I have been angry, hurt, depressed, uplifted, down trodden, twisted, jerked around, held upside down, filled with strength, boasting with love, and it's possible that all of those emotions (and even more that I can't think of accurate words for) all happened within the same week. I was tired all the time and that's why. I was jaded by drama. I was trapped under it. For the first time in an actual decade I can breathe. How sad is that? I'm only 27.

So I'm on this journey of self discovery now. I have no idea who I really am outside of my kids and my screwed up "love" life. i don't know simple things. My 'favorite' color, or food, or place to visit. I don't even know how I would decorate my room. What do i like? What colors? What themes? What's my "style"? It's exciting really. I have a lot of friends who have liked the same things for YEARS and when they change it's always such a big deal. But I get to make decisions based on just me. I've been itching for a change and I'm sort of in the middle of one.

I feel torn right now because of the whole 'work' thing. I have no desire to work. I don't want to be away from my kids more than I have to be. I'm frightened that my daughter will have another athesma attack when I'm not there. I do have a prospect of a job in september which is a little exciting. It's only part time, really laid back, 4 or 5 hours a day doing office stuff. To a lot of people i know it doesn't sound like much, but to me it sounds like a perfect fit. I'd be working in the same building as my mom (bonus) and I'd be working with a friend of ours from church too. I got a little too caught up in my future plans there for awhile but then got really down on myself for not knowing where to start and not being as motivated as I thought I should be. The truth is, I am afraid to live by myself again. I am afraid that my ex will work his way back into my life and that ever so familiar cycle will begin all over again. I'm afraid that something will happen to me or my kids and I'll be alone. I like living with my mom and dad because I haven't felt safe in so long and I finally have that feeling back. It gets annoying from time to time, but it's a whole lot different when you WANT to live somewhere as opposed to living somewhere because you HAVE to. I am able to provide my kids with so much more than I would on my own. I am relaxed here and I am getting better at the juggling act because I have back up.

Whenever I get worked up about something and start to feel anxious I try to remind myself to give it to God. I pray about it. I admit what I'm scared or nervous about. I talk it out in prayer and sometimes i discover more information than I was ready for. God says to give it to him and put your trust in Him so I do. And you know what -- He has yet to fail me. I have decided to not get all worked up over my decisions for my future because I believe God will provide for me. I make myself available to follow His instruction and I stay in constant communication with Him. He has gotten me this far and for the most part i have bounced back from every wrong turn I've ever made.

I hope to not sound unhappy or hurt anymore. I hope to not sound like someone who has been beaten by life. Instead, I hope to be an inspiration to women who feel stuck or frustrated because of their own circumstances. I hope to lend insight into how to confront strenuous situations with a positive spirit and how to look to God for everything.

"To God be the glory. Great things he hath done."

why have illegal immigrants?

2008-06-12T16:46:00.002-04:00

I was born to 2 baby boomers who got to experience the true "Change" that paved the way for me to be able to succeed in every sense of the word. Since they had virtually done all the work, I was raised thinking that opportunities had just always been available. So naive, innocent, and spoiled spoiled spoiled! I was brought up being told to dream big and to not be afraid of setting goals as opposed to my mother who was part of the "Don't learn too much cuz you're just gonna be a mother and wife someday" generation. She started this revolution of sorts in American culture. She and my dad both continued to move forward by telling my brother and me it was OK to lay my own brick in the road of change for society as we know it. I took American History in high school but it was all about the PAST. "Who cares?" I thought. "Yeah, it sucked back then, but I've got my own goals to look forward too." I was not the only one of my generation to feel this way. Our parents were looking at us like they had done this incredible thing for us (which they had) but since I wasn't around "back then" I didn't appreciate it.

Now we are starting to see the magnitude of their achievements because the reality is that we children of the "boomers" had been complacent. Lacking motivation and the drive to work hard, earn little, LEARN a lot. We just want(ed) to be handed success on a silver platter. Menial labor jobs were pretty much out of the question after the age of 18 if you finished high school. A disappointing number of my generation dropped out of high school because they were itching to be on their own and make their own decisions Our parents had told us we "Could do whatever and succeed" and we heard so much about this "land of opportunity" too. So, with stroked egos and inflated heads we left the nest only to fall flat on our faces. Instead of growing up in the town of Rock Bottom-ville and pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps like the generation before us, we had to land ... hard ... maybe a couple times there before we realized work was involved in the dream achieving business.

The fact is, we were born and raised with strength and ability embedded in our DNA. Society had changed for us and we really did have the elusive "American Dream" handed to us on a silver platter. (We just usually tried to pawn that silver platter for money so that we could avoid work for a little longer haha) Most of us cannot relate to honestly having nothing. We can't imagine not being able to drive, go out to eat, or partake in available entertainment. We don't understand what it's like to want to be somewhere so badly, and to get our hands on a piece of the "Happiness" pie, but know full well that we are not welcome and could be forced back to where we came from.

What's the biggest question here, really. We know that illegal immigrants don't come all the way to foreign territory where they are not allowed to be without being more than willing to pull their own weight here. They try to prove that they can really make it worth our while to accept them. Businesses love them because they understand if they don't work they don't get paid. Laziness is not in their vocabulary. In short, they are valuable assets to us. Naturally, they are taking all this risk and working this hard for a reason. They want to work, get paid by American business owners, and then send American money back home. Now the American economy is suffering because there is more money going out than coming in.

Never mind the fact that factories of all sorts are hiring 3rd world countries to work for them and paying them very little LEGALLY. Paying good money for materials to be shipped out, put together, then shipped back on America's dime. But then when illegal immigrants are willing to literally put their lives on the line to come to us, we all of a sudden forget that our own Lady Liberty says, "Bring us your poor, your huddled masses, Yearning to be free." It is so hard to get their papers or work visas or whatever, and they come all the way here but then are not able to get bank accounts, insurance, drivers licenses, social security cards, etc. They find someone to sell a mobile home for cash or rent an apartment with no credit check needed. They have now become targets for greedy American criminals who know these poor people have cash in their homes and can't call the police because they'll get deported. THEN when they try to protect themselves and their families they get labeled as a hostile people. Sounds like some Americans have become a little TOO judgemental.

It seems to me that the best all around solution to this economic dilemma is this: Let them come. If someone WANTS to come to America to better themselves and their families then why not? If their whole purpose for coming here is to take care of their families, isn't that an example we want our children to see? If the problem is them working and then sending our money away then let them bring their families here so that they're not having to send money anywhere. If they do want to send money to their families that wont to come to America then put some sort of tax on that if you have to, but don't make it illegal for them to neglect their own.

Next, pay them what they're worth and give them benefits too. Give them the option of either getting more money in their checks or getting health insurance for themselves and their dependents. If they are able to get insurance then they wouldn't avoid seeing doctors for fear of deportation, and they would be able to work longer. If we took the time to say, "Hey, we value you and accept you and we need you to do us a favor, Spend your money here in this country so that we can continue to offer you and your family the amenities we have available for productive U.S. citizens, OK?" Take the time to teach them how the economy works and what a pivotal role they play as a whole.

There is so much emphasis put on taking leaps as individuals toward success rather than everyone taking baby steps together. Have you ever tried to walk up an endless flight of stairs by yourself? Don't you think it would be easier to climb if you had someone willing to lend you some support in your moments of weakness and vice versa? This is not rocket science. We have become a nation of narrow minded people in a rat race towards an alter to worship the almighty dollar. Concerned with who is going to get there first rather than how many people will get there total. The harder we fight to make money the lower the value of a dollar falls.

It seems to me that Satan himself is holding a wad of cash in his fist like that stuffed rabbit on that pole in dog races. Those dogs run their hearts out and run over anything or anyone in their way trying to get that darn rabbit, but little do they know it won't happen. Coincidence? I don't think so. Money truly is the root of all evil. I am in constant amazement of how God's word speaks to us on so many levels and proves to be true and valid over and over again. I'm comforted by the fact that He knew what trials we would be facing and provided us with an actual operator's manual for reference purposes.

When did he outgrow the hangers?!

2008-06-12T15:57:00.002-04:00

Today I was doing my family's laundry (all 7 loads-UGH) when I got hit with one of those "Wait a second" moments. You know those moments when you think you have been pretty aware of your surroundings and then all of a sudden, "Wait a second, this is new ..."

I finally separated my 8 year old son's clothes to see what all he needed for summer and possibly next school year when I decide to take the initiative to hang the collared button up shirts in the closet and fold the tee shirts that still fit and store them *neatly* in the dresser. I weeded out about a third of his clothes all together, but when I went to hang up the dress shirts - his hangers were too small! Now, granted, these are the same small blue and white hangers I had bought to go with his "Bob the Builder" motif 5 years ago and they just happen to match his current "Transformer" theme too. His size 3T shirts looked so cute hanging up in his closet like a big boy. 4T, 5,6,7,8-10 - They had been working just fine. He's very broad and has always looked like a miniature body builder with his bulk and square shoulders. Now he's almost 9 years old and wearing size 12 shirts. He no longer just looks like a big boy, he IS a big boy.

It just happens so fast. One day he's saying, "Mommy, I love you." Then the next thing you know, "What a second," He just called me 'MOM.'

Single Mom's have help!

2008-05-29T23:57:00.005-04:00

There's help. Who knew?
I got a bulletin on myspace from a friend I went to highschool with who is also a single mother (she has FOUR though). She found a website designed to help single mothers financially, emotinonally, and it's full of advice for anyone with children no matter what their relationship status is. Check it out and pass it on ...

It's http://singlemomsresource.org/

Be a woman too

2008-05-29T08:57:00.004-04:00

There's nothing I like more lately than hanging out with my girlfriends, talking about kids, making plans for trips and going all out just because we can. I love to have talks, not conversations. The difference being the level of intimacy. When you talk it's usually about personal things, it's real bonding taking place. Conversations, to me, are more open forum and broad subjects. To sit in a comfortable, non threatening environment, calm and laid back, sipping cosmos and laughing at the ton of inside jokes we have created. How do we remember them all?! I have no clue :o) All I know is the older I get the more I value my friendships with my girls and more support I feel having them close.

... Sounds like I'm talking about a BRA! lol

What's up with the men down here?

2008-05-28T23:18:00.002-04:00

OK so my dear friend who's life is sort of parallel to mine has brought up a valid point. While watching Little House on the Prairie she cried because of the, how did she put it? Something like, "because the show portrays the women as being just as strong as the men." Forgive me G for misquoting you. It got me thinking, seriously, like 2 minutes ago, that the problem with men "down here" (I'll explain 'down here' in a minute) is the constant underestimation of a woman's strength and the fact that it is actually GENETIC!

OK, by "Down here" I meant the lower 48 or perhaps just the south because that's where we live. See, G and I grew up in Alaska for the first part of our lives and witnessed the mixture of adoration, love, respect, and teamwork that made up the marriages in our direct lines of vision. If you live in AK more then likely you are there because of a job. It's usually just you and your immediate family. Extended family is in the main part of the country mixed up in all the stupid drama and false idealizations of what marriage is. Women here voluntarily take a backseat to their husbands and their husbands make sure their wives know their place. Husbands, not all, but most - for real, speak to the wives any way they want, they do what they want, go where they want, spend what they want, see who they want, etc. Feeling as though they owe no explanation of their actions to the 'little wife.' However, if the wife wants any kind of social life she is swiftly put back in her place and too often then not she ends up knocked up again. Children are not cherished by these selfish men either. These children are merely belongings, objects, assets. Men do not pick sick kids up from school, men do not get up in the middle of the night with crying children, men do not attend all school functions, men do not do ANYTHING but go to work and carry on with their own lives (and keep the woman in line.) It's pathetic! But like I said, it's genetic. These men were brought up by fathers who were the same way. These WOMEN were raised by mothers who were treated the same way so they honestly have no idea they are being taken advantage of!
Look, I am a Christian and I am very proud of that. I do know the bible says that the wife shall be in submission to her husband BUT IT DOES NOT SAY THAT THE WIVES ARE TO BE AS SLAVES TO THEM!
The whole family dynamic is completely different in Alaska. We were brought up with the understanding that we are every bit as strong and intelligent as men and to have integrity, values, morals, and the ability to stand up for what you want. The ratio of men to women is something like 10:1. CRAZY that we would still have the values we do with numbers like that. Down here try to find a college graduate with no kids who doesn't live with her mother (or grandmother). I've been here for 14 years and I know 2. TWO. That's it! If I had been obedient like he was expecting then I would still be married to my ex but darn it, I had too much self esteem. Yes, he tried to break my spirit on a daily basis. Yes, he kept wanting babies because he wanted to keep tabs on me. Yes, he thought the harder he worked at being a jerk the sooner I would cowboy up and get with the program. What he WASN'T counting on was the fact that I have completely supportive parents, a family at church, a constant source of strength in my faith, and the knowledge to get HIS money for HIS kids that he wanted so much. The secret to happy marriage down here isn't respect or communication or even love. It's submission. Blind submission at that.

I, just like G, feel I am better off staying single because i am unwilling to compromise my spirit for less than what I'm worth. I'm either going to stay single here or I'm movin back to Alaska!

Republicans vs Demolition Crew

2008-05-28T22:42:00.003-04:00

I'm just a little ashamed of what's taking place in the political circle right now. First of all, yes, just to put it out there, a couple firsts for the American people are happening at the same time. Personally I don't see the big deal with it. UNLIKE the "african-american" and "woman" who 'claim' to not be marketing their obvious differences. Obama with his "Change we can believe in" goes just a little bit deeper than putting a democrat in the oval office and if you don't think that's all he's talking about then you're naive. And then Hillary saying "I trust the American people will choose the best possible candidate as their President WHOEVER SHE MAY BE." OH PLEASE! Get over yourself! First of all the biggest difference I'm seeing in this whole campaign this term is the maturity level. Yes, I am a republican, I think that's pretty obvious. All the Republican candidates worked hard at their campaigns and managed to be friendly and civil to their competition. I wasn't a big Mitt Romney fan until he stepped down because he saw the direction the campaign was going and for the sake of America and it's people he stepped down so that the Republican party wouldn't be split and suffer because of it. He was very supportive of Senator McCain after that. Then you look at the democrats (haha) I have to laugh a little when hillary and Obama start in on eachother because all they do is throw these low blows at eachother and show how "mature" they are when they respond by saying "I'm not going to even respond to that" Ok dude, whatever. I'm ashamed by anyone who is blindly voting based on the fact that this man is african american (I'm sorry, but if he's born in America - He's just american like everone else) or that this woman is a woman (with a brain, heart, blood, and split ends just like everyone else).

What happened to making educated decisions? Look at the facts, people! The top 2 subjects right now are 1 the war in Iraq and 2 the economy. We are in a very tense position at the moment. We are at war and now people who have no idea what's going on are all about pulling our troops out and ending this war. Don't you think that's what President Bush wants to do too? Do you think he likes making American families sad, devastated, and insecure when their loved ones are being called to serve? NO! He's not the anti christ. Yes, there maybe plenty of things to make fun of because he's human and if people followed us around all day every day we would be laughed at too. But we didn't put our families, pride, or anything else on the line to cowboy up and run for president now did we? What happened to having respect for leaders? People also need to be smart enough to realize that this is not a highschool campaign. These Democrats can't promise pizza everyday in the cafeteria and actually make it happen. If one does make it to office and they want a universal healthcare plan how long, logically, do you think it's going to take to get that into effect? YEARS! If it even happens because they can't just make a law and voila! it's done! It has to go through a little thing called Congress which takes forever and Im surprised they don't tell us this part because as Senators they LIVE THESE BATTLES ALL THE TIME!
Let's take a look at what this nation would be like with a democratic leader shall we? ... We would pull all of our troops out of battle grounds and bring them home which means we would surrender to our enemies. This means that our enemies who HATE America will then see weakness and come to our turf and blow us all up But that would probably be a good thing since about 3/4ths of americans will pretty much be living in doctors offices and emergency rooms because they're entitled to free healthcare and the only time they will leave their place in line is to go to the grocery store for food - good thing they have foodstamps because they have no money because they can't work, right? WRONG! They are getting unemployment benefits! The government is handing out free money for being lazy and is totally taking on the burden of financial hardships and personal responsibility because they don't want you to feel like a bad person! "Don't even consider making something of yourself because the world is ending anyway" says the democratic leader to little jimmy. "We will buy your food, give you a house, and send you to the doctor for free as long as you promise to sit at home and keep making babies, and using the public school system as a free babysitter ok? Of course there IS always the options of abortion. Promise? Ok, now DUCK! WATCH OUT FOR THAT BOMB! And as for the American families who are actually working and making ends meet without the government's handouts? Well, it's only a matter of time before they're posted up in line because most of their hard earned dollars will be going to support all the other people. Ok, that is, unless the property taxes that they have to pay on the houses and cars that THEY own put them in the poor house first.
Now look at the difference with a republican in office ... Mr Smith wakes up on Monday morning. He cleans up, gets dressed and greets his wife downstairs with the kids. Everyone is ready to go to school, work, etc. They get into their hybrid cars, go to work, earn their paychecks, get their benefits, go home and spend time with their family feeling safe in their own home that they paid for. They watch the news about the war going on and feel for those who are fighting and for their families ,but have respect for the decisions those men and women made by praying, educating their children about what's going on, and by posting their American flag outside their house. We know that there IS change that we can believe in and it starts at home. Learning how to protect our environment, live healthier, use less gasoline, reach out to neighbors, friends, and family. The biggest difference between Democrats and Republicans is responsibility. Democrats love the blame game and waste too much time on pointing out whats wrong and who's fault it is. We are well aware of whats wrong thank you. Republicans, on the other hand, acknowlege what's wrong and take steps to fix it. The war is a step in the right direction. Yes, it's sad, but we didn't start it, we just want to finish it and get back to the American dream. Remember that? Where you work for what you have, appreciate what you have, and respect what you have, then you SHARE what you have? Remember the "a hand shake is all you need" mentality? Now everyone thinks they're so entitled and it's tabboo to perform an act of kindness and NOT want anything in return. I may live in the south but I'm not FROM the south so I feel pretty comfortable saying I feel reparations (is that right?) for slavery is STUPID. It's the most rediculous thing I've ever heard. Talk about not moving forward! Yes, slavery was a shameful time in American history, but it happened and now it's over. I refuse to apologize for being white because I didn't choose to be white just like the slaves didn't choose to be black. It just happened that way. Now people who's ancestors were slaves think they are entitled to money?! They weren't you! And these people today have a whole world of opportunities available to them that their ancestors only dreamed about and their not taking advantage of them. It makes no sense to me. Hillary Clinton did not choose to be a woman and Barak Obama didn't choose to be black, but they DO choose to be democrats and they choose to play on the emotions of the people instead of encouraging us to take responsibility for ourselves and our families and keep moving forward. It's a shame that other countries already have alternative energy sources figured out and we spend so much time figuring out how to make vehicles bigger and badder and even worse for the economy and environment. It's a shame that we have the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve but had, until recently, refused to use it. Republicans want the American people to have opportunities available to them to achieve success, whatever 'success' may mean to them personally. They see the big picture. All the problems and the reasons for the problems, and then they start solving said problems. They understand how important security is and how protecting this country is crucial to remaining a thriving nation. Democrats want the American People to be even more in debt to the government and want to basically turn the U.S. into their own slaves so that we are begging for them to help us rather than learning how to help ourselves. Republicans stand for morals, integrity, honesty, and values. Isn't that the original American way? Democrats want you believe that whatever you feel is ok. Whatever makes you feel good is ok with them. If you want to be gay be gay, if you want to not work, then don't work, if you decide you don't want to have a baby, then by all means, get an abortion - and since you decided to have that abortion, why don't you ease your conscience and donate your fetus for stem cell research so at least you FEEL like you did something good. Don't educate your children at home, leave it all up to the school system. So what if it's already struggling to leave no kids behind. So what if they are barely ready to move up to the next grade, right? He/she's lucky you didn't abort them anyway.
I have never paid attention to politics until recently. I have children who are going to inherit this country and I woud like to leave it in better condition than I got it. I want them to feel safe. I want to tell them about what an important, scary, sad, triumphant time they grew up in. They need to learn respect for their leaders and love for their country. Most importantly they need to know that even though they only get 1 vote each, all together they get 3 and mine is 4 and grandparents are 2 more, etc, etc. They are part of something much bigger than themselves and they, just like everone of us, needs to have appreciation for it.

my outlet!

2008-05-28T12:45:00.001-04:00

So this is my official outlet for my views on being a mother of 3 young children, a Christian woman, and an American citizen. These are 3 things I feel very strongly about and when I am passionate about something I LOVE to talk it to death :o)
I love to text on my phone too, so there maybe some funny words or acronyms here and there.

A little background on me. I am 27 years old. I was a teenage mother at 18. I made some mistakes in my life that don't need to be published (again) because I do not feel that I am defined by them anymore. For every mistake there is a consequence, or rather, a result. The results of my mistakes are what make me so passionate about being a mother, a christian, and an american. And so it begins ...

Being a mother has been my one identity for the longest time. It was my first and foremost priority up until recently. My life is my kids. I really do believe I was put here on this planet to devote myself to them and they have been my greatest lesson and example of unconditional love. I have so much appreciation for them and they have no idea. My parents were my introduction to the concept of unconditional love but I never fully understood until I had my own just as they said it would happen. After the birth of my 2nd child, my first daughter, was when I realized that my parents were not stupid! In fact, I found out pretty quickly that they had been an untapped sourse of wisdom and advice for me that I had absolutely refused to look into. My whole childhood is virtually a blur to me. I have ADD but didn't get diagnosed until I was 17 so for the main part of my education I just sort sailed thru and was pretty oblivious to things. I don't really remember anything that I valued exactly or anything that I felt strongly about. I know my friendships that I cherished, vacations I enjoyed, but details and time lines are lost on me. I'm sad about it and think about it constantly. I don't want my kids to feel this emptiness I feel so I'm trying to make it a point to either write things down, take pictures, and talk about things that happen. I was kept in the dark about really important things as a child. About marriage, about money, religion, sex, all major major things. I was being 'protected' and my family had the abosolute best of intentions, but unfortunately I had to find out a lot of things for myself. For this reason i am teaching my oldest child (8yrs) about managing his money. He is learning bit by bit about sex and the human body at a realistic pace, I am explaining compromise because I don't ever remember compromising - I got my way a lot and my brother wasn't forced to like me or take care of me so to this day he'd rather not have anything to do with me. My son is very protective of his sisters and I try very hard to give him his own space but at the same time encourage him to make room and time for his sisters and family. I have always been taught to have love for my country and respect for it's leaders. You can't live the military life and not have that instilled in you I don't think. I didn't understand how much of a difference 1 person could make and how fullfilling it could be to stand up for something you believe in. I did a lot of things because I was told to. I didn't get any explainations, I just got directions. I don't think i ever really asked for reasons though. I loved my country because I was told to. I went to church and believed in God because I was told to.

See, at the beginning of this blog I said I THOUGHT being a mother was my very top priority. Reently, since the birth of my 3rd child 7 months ago, Irealized that being a Christian is my very top priority because my faith is what defines the kind of mother I am. God is in everything I do, everywhere I go, and everything I say. My love for God is what makes me a passionate American, too. Being a Christian, an American, and a mother equals who I am. They all go hand in hand with eachother. I can tell you though, if I did not have Christ in my life I would not be the same kind of mother or American that I am. All these lessons I am teaching and will teach my children have God's hand in them. The reasons and explainations I give them for why we go to church, or why people act the way they do, or how to manage money all come from the Christian stand point. The basis for it all is knowing the clear cut difference between RIGHT and WRONG. If you base your definitions of right and wrong on the bible you will not be misguided. If you take that concept and apply it to being an American then you have the tools you need to vote either Republican or Democrat. I have been told that 1 has nothing to do with the other but I believe that to be horribly false. My question I pose to anyone who wants to answer, in all seriousness, is it possible for a Christian to be a Democrat? I know there are Christian democrats, but if you apply the bible to politics does it work or does it clash?

I'll leave it at that for now. I've written a blog on my myspace page about the differences that I SEE between Repulicans and Democrats and I will post that here too. I wrote it because I have friends who have been of legal voting age and have yet to vote because they just don't care. It is so aggrevating to me because we have children who are going to be reaping the consequences, whether good or bad, of the decisions we make. It also irritates me because they have pretty strong opinions about what has taken place and what IS taking place but they don't seem to think they can change anything.