What's up with self destruction?

I am just wondering why we feel the need to self destruct or cause ourselves to stumble. I'm speaking as though I'm not the only person who does this. I know it's not just a girl thing like a lot of my other 'issues' and I know that it is almost unconscience.

As SOON as I'm aware of the fact that I have to heavy drama hanging over my head I start to doubt myself. I don't know where it came from. I don't know why it felt so strong. It is very unnerving (sp?) and a little upsetting though. To catch up on what's gone down: My year long up and down rollercoaster ride finally decided to level off. I get my head (and my heart) wrapped around the fact that I am ending a chapter in my life and what happens? BOOM! I feel like I'm making a big mistake. I get this very uneasy feeling of, "What have I done to my kids!?" I really start reflecting on things. I see every mistake that I made in that relationship and how it is directly related to every mistake HE made. Then the drama queen side of me came into play. Then, my dear friend that has been on my side since we were like 7 steps up and tells me the ONE thing nobody else would say. Basically put, she says I'm probably doing it to myself and I'm just not used to being drama free or standing still. I wanted to respond right away and say, "NO! It's much stronger than that. This is something serious!" But instead, my computer shut down on me. (That's an example of God working his mysterious ways) I pray somemore, I chill some more. I clear my head of everything negative.

So this is where I am 48 hours later: A) I just wanna thank her for being a real friend and telling me exactly what was up. B) I realize now that even IF my mistakes are directly related to HIS mistakes, it doesn't mean that all should be forgotten. Forgiven, yes. The bigger issue here is that since I'm human I am going to continue to make mistakes, and if his response to my making mistakes is to make more mistakes then we're just not compatible. C) Yes, I see my parents and how their marriage works and I may not agree with some of what goes on, I see how they compliment eachother. I don't like how passive my mom is sometimes, but that's just who she is and it doesnt phase her like it phases me. She compliments my dad's stubbornness just like when she gets into a confrontational mood my dad compliments that by taking on an understanding manner and just walking away. If that were my marriage I wouldn't let him get away with trying to be a dictator, and if I were in a confrontational mood he would have been combative right back. Therefore, we would be right back where we started and who needs that!

Here is my next delimma - If girls are supposed to be attracted to men who are just like their fathers, and I am just like my father, how am I supposed to make that relationship work? My dad and I bump heads all the time over things because we're both very stubborn and a little self absorbed at times. Not to mention we both think we're right about a lot of stuff and we DON'T like to be challenged. Is that theory true ALL THE TIME?

Ok Gina ~ answer away! lol

I would just like to leave on this note - NOBODY NEEDS PEOPLE TO TELL THEM THEY ARE RIGHT ALL THE TIME. I TRY TO BE AN 'ON CALL' SORT OF FRIEND. AN 'EMERGENCY CONTACT PERSON" IF YOU WILL. I WILL ALWAYS BE READY TO LEND A SHOULDER OR AN EAR, BUT ALLOW MY FRIENDS TO TALK THEMSELVES THROUGH THEIR OWN PROBLEMS. I WILL, HOWEVER, ASSUME THE RESPONSIBILITY OF GRABBING THE BACK OF THEIR PANTS WHEN I SEE THEM ABOUT TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF. I AM VERY GREATFUL FOR MY ON-CALL FRIENDS AND FEEL BLESSED TO KNOW THEY HAVE MY BACK WHEN I NEED TO BE SAVED FROM MYSELF. LOVE YOU!!